Bah! Humbug!

Warning: This is a rant post. I just feel the need to get some things off of my chest...

I have a love-hate relationship with Christmas. I love the decorations, the trees, the treats, and the celebration. I hate the consumer mindset of "MUST BUY EVERYONE ALL THE GIFTS!"

I also have a love-hate relationship with gift-giving/receiving. I think a thoughtful gift for someone special in your life (close friends, family you actually spend time with, children you don't hate) is great, but getting everyone you know a present or going broke to buy presents, or buying a present just to buy a present is not my idea of a stress-free and happy holiday.

I told my son that next year would be the first year of a new tradition: holiday traveling. See, if we're out of town for Christmas, then we don't have to feel as much guilt when we can't afford to buy anyone gifts. Now, some of you might be thinking, "If you can't afford gifts, how can you afford travel?"

I can pay for a hotel or campsite or whatnot a year in advance if I want. If I buy a gift a year in advance, the gift may no longer be relevant or useful. Or even two months, as in the case of someone I got a certain shirt for because of a career path she was SO POSITIVE SHE WAS DOING, then she decided not to do it. She's still getting the shirt, btw.

And in my circle, gift cards are frowned on, as evidenced any time I've tried to do those instead of gifts.

What I don't understand is getting someone something just to get them something so no one feels left out. If I buy a gift for my coworker, who I actually have a great friendship with, but don't buy something for the coworker on the other side of the building I might only stop and chat with once every week or two, then I shouldn't feel obligated to get that second coworker a gift if I get the friend one a gift.

Same with family. If I have two adult relatives who should understand what "I'm broke" means for their potential for gifts, and the other two gifts are just white elephant gifts, then why should I have to spend money I don't have on something for the two adults with no gifts?

Sure, people don't want to feel left out, but if you can't - as an adult - understand that people can't always afford things and you may not get a gift, then you're not an adult, you're a selfish child. And if you're a habitual gift-giver that thinks everything should be fair and everyone should get something, you might be erring on the side of "hurting yourself so others profit."

I'm all for piling the space under the tree full of gifts if money warrants it, but if it doesn't, being able to spend quality time with folks you love should be a pretty great "consolation prize."

Side Note: Last year and this year it's been a lot harder for me to afford Christmas since the ex stopped paying the the travel money he was supposed to pay me to bring his son halfway to him. That's about $75 out of pocket on Christmas day, and another $75 a week later that could have gone towards gifts. So changes had to be made in the way I gift-give (or not). In addition, this year I lost my source of second income, so things are super tight.

I deal with a lot of guilt regarding gifting. I've been shown throughout my life that the "reason for the season" is presents, and lots of them. I've tried to break that cycle with my son (only getting him one really awesome gift he'll use for a super long time, like the Kindle that's going on its fourth year, or the smart phone that's going on the second year). Instead of tons of presents that break, get outgrown, or get forgotten, I try to give him adventures - things he'll remember. We've been doing that for his birthday for six years. Now, we just need to get into the habit of doing that for Christmas, too.

And hopefully, the gift-giving folks in my life can understand.

We're starting our new tradition in 2016 with a trip to Disneyworld and Universal Studios (Harry Potter). Maybe 2017 will just be a quiet cabin in the Smokies and some skiing. Maybe we'll go to somewhere sunny with a beach. Maybe we'll head to the frozen north for some ice fishing. But whatever we do, we'll do it sans presents. Spending time together doing something new and exciting is a gift in and of itself.