Weigh Too Much!

I weigh too much. There. I said it. I WEIGH TOO MUCH!

"Well, duh," you might be thinking. "Isn't that why you had surgery in the first place?"

Well, yes. But that's not what I mean. What I mean is that I weigh too much... I step on my scale so often, it's become something of an obsession.

And I need to stop.

Back in May of 2014, I never got on a scale. I didn't want to know exactly how badly I let myself go. Then I joined the Move! program at the VA to get started on the weight loss surgery path, and their automated line I called every single day to check in on would end the conversation with "Did you weigh yourself today?"

And I can't stand to let anyone down, especially a robot voice.

So every single day, I'd weigh myself. Every day. About four months into the program, I was told I didn't need to, but by that point, I'd already gotten into the habit. And boy, was it a painful one. My emotions were a wreck watching the scale bounce around.

Finally, I broke myself of the habit. And the weight crept back up.

Now, there is a definite cause versus causation thing going on here. After all, my weight wasn't so much in check BECAUSE I weighed every day, but weighing every day did keep my mind in the weight loss game, and when I stopped, my mind stopped being in the game. I stopped exercising, I stopped logging food, I stopped having only one cheat meal a week. And the weight came back.

Now that I have a tiny tummy and much better eating habits, I've gotten back into the mentality that I must weigh every single day so that I can stay on track. I've gotten good at heading off the anguish when the weight stalls - since (for now) it only stalls right before a period. I consider it my early warning system. But even I think I'm a little TOO obsessed.

This is my average morning:

1. Wake up.
2. Go to the bathroom.
3. Get naked.
4. Weigh myself.
1. If my weight is down from the previous day, then I...
1. Weigh myself again, then...
2. Weigh myself, then...
3. Repeat until I get two matching weights. I have a digital scale, so this can take a while.
2. If my weight is the same or up from the previous day (or not down more than .2 a pound), I get a bath and weigh myself again afterwards.
5. Once I'm satisfied with the weight, I put the scale away.
6. I get ready for work.
7. I go to work.
8. I get on the scale in the women's locker room at work.
9. Repeat Step 8 every time I go to the bathroom.

What I want my average morning to look like:

1. Steps 1 through 9, except without steps 4, 5, 8, and 9.

I've made myself a deal. When I get to onederland, I'm putting the scale away. The logical side of me often reminds myself that when I get to onederland, other stalls can happen. The logical side of me knows that will be crazy-making. So once I get under 200 pounds, I want to weigh monthly on the anniversary of my surgery (the 9th).

I hope I can do it. I've formed a pretty unhealthy attachment to my scale, and I hope I can break that.

We'll see. Only 29 pounds away from onederland!