Anatomy of an Addiction

The history of my addiction goes back a couple of generations. I recall from when I was younger a smoke- and beer-bottle-filled trailer (a very nice double-wide) during Christmases and Thanksgivings. While we kids played in the back or even outside, the adults sat inside playing bridge and contributing to the corner bar atmosphere.

At that age, I wasn't savvy enough to recognize the signs of addiction. Sure, on the weekends I visited with my mom, I was often taken to the local VFW, but grandma worked there. Okay, so grandma got a DUI once. It was only once. And she worked at a BAR. I mean, things happen, right?

And maybe I wasn't old enough to know that my mom drinking midday was a little ... odd. She was so much fun to be around. And sure my dad would sometimes dig into my piggy bank and it would make me sad, but he was my dad.

It wasn't until I was in high school did I realize that both of my parents, at least one grandparent, and my uncle (my dad's brother) were alcoholics. But that was them, and they weren't me.

Except that my uncle died because of his alcoholism, my dad and I were estranged from the start because of it, and I disconnected from my mom because of it.

It took me until just this past year to see the connection and how my life was so much like theirs, except my addiction was (is) food.

After all, it is my addiction that caused me to gain so much weight. It is my addiction that has caused me to pull away from friends and most family because I don't want them to see how much I've let myself go. It's my addiction that is slowly killing me. It's my addiction that causes me to make some very bad judgment calls and spend more money than I can afford on fueling it.

If that doesn't sound like my alcohol-addicted family members, then I'm deluding myself.

Luckily, I was diagnosed with ADHD six years ago and have been slowly making strides to get that under control. Now, after kicking soda to the curb and taking up yoga, I've been able to manage my ADHD (for the most part - it's not perfect because my yoga practice isn't as regular as I'd like) medicine-free.

So how does ADHD tie into my food addiction? I fervently believed it caused it - and my family member's own addictions. I wasn't reined in when I was younger and taught self-control, so my ADHD took me where it wanted. Though I smoked for quite a long time, it was much easier to stop smoking than it's been to quit eating badly.

Now that I'm managing the ADHD, the next step is to manage the addiction. How? By bariatric surgery. Sometimes it takes a pretty major event to effect change. I just wish for my uncle's sake (and my mom and dad) that they had some kind of surgery to help them kick their own addictions.

I feel like I got a little disjointed here towards the end, but I was trying not to create a full-fledged novel-length piece. But I would like to finish with this...

The anatomy of an addiction is that something triggers it. Whether it's ADHD, or a series of very stressful events, or the addictive chemicals in drugs, something out there starts the person on the path of addiction, and the addiction itself keeps it going. The first step to fighting it is to recognize it. The second step to fighting it is to put the tools in your arsenal that will help you win the war.

I've finally done the first, and on April 9th, I'll be doing the second.