Why I've Been Missing, and Why I'm Having Weight Loss Surgery

I didn't forget about the blog, it's just that as soon as our office 12-Week Shape-Up ended, I lost a lot of motivation. And spent a month eating myself silly. And gaining 12 pounds. And re-losing 9 of those pounds. And getting on the path to weight loss surgery.

I know I stress eat. It took me a long time to figure it out, but I now know I do it. What happened in the past month, though, was that I was under a different kind of stress, one I wasn't used to being under, one that didn't feel like the usual stress. So I was eating and thinking I was failing, when I was actually eating myself happy and mindless of this strange new stress.

The stress issue is still there and will be for some time, I believe, but what's not there is my eating to cope. I FINALLY realized what I was doing and got a handle on my eating again. I guess you could call that an NSV.

And I guess you could call deciding to have weight loss surgery a type of victory, as well. See, I've been contemplating weight loss surgery for years, but it wasn't until I got VA health coverage that I realized it might become a reality. But then I had to struggle with something a lot of people (incorrectly) think about WLS, that's it's the easy way out. When I realized that it's not easier - it's harder - I then thought, "Why not try and lose weight without surgery?"

So over the summer I tried just that. And that attempt at weight loss was just like all of the others I've had since I was about 12 or 13. I'd start strong, then fade and give up. Bad food tastes too good. Not exercising is so easy. OMG, this video game...! You know. The usual culprits. Between my ADHD and my upbringing, I never really had a strong handle on my eating, nor did I know how to properly eat.

Yoga has given me control of my ADHD. Weight loss surgery can give me control of my eating.

It's one thing to know in my head what proper eating is, but it's another to do it. With WLS as a tool, I get the physical feedback more strongly of when I'm full, and I get some pretty negative side effects if I push it. That's not to mention starting out on a liquid and then mush diet. It's like being an infant and learning how to eat all over again... and this time I want to do it right.

So I'm going to take the way out that involves major surgery. I'm going to take the way out that involves completely changing how I eat. I'm going to take the way out that limits or removes my ability to enjoy lifelong favorite foods. I'm going to take the hard way out - because I tried the easy way, and I couldn't stick with it.

I have my mandatory psych eval next Thursday (October 16) at 9 AM. I should know by the following week if I've been approved through that step and am moving to the next step. If all goes well, I should have a late November, early December surgery date.

I'll also be starting up my next 12-Week Shape Up! next Monday. Mine may be a little different since it will involve surgery, but you can still come along on your own journey. Will you join me for the ride?